Golf Isn't So Bad
by beastlycharizard13
Summary: First episode of my series of South Park Stories, Rad Fanon South Park, or RFSP for short. Unbeknownst to everyone, South Park was entered into the American Golf Association's free admission sweepstakes for the AGA Finals in Nexton, North Carolina. Fearing the impending danger that could result, a certain Nexton teenager tries to prevent South Park from ever getting to Nexton.
1. Chapter 1

RFSP episode #101

Golf Isn't So Bad

Chapter 1-The seemingly bad beginning

 **A/N: OK…just going to get this out of the way first. RFSP stands for "Rad Fanon South Park" because I seriously couldn't think of a less stupid/cheesy name…but whatever. RFSP is going to be my own collection of South Park stories, told in 3** **rd** **person POV. You may have noticed that I labeled this as episode #101. Why? Well for those who don't know, the first "1" is the season number and the "01" is the episode number of that season. This method is commonly used in TV shows all the time. But anyways, I currently plan to have at least 2 seasons of RFSP.**

 **So the RFSP series premiere is called "Golf isn't so bad" and it is part 1 of a 4 part episode. Please take note that RFSP takes place in a separate continuity from my other current story "Worlds Collide" as well as any future stories I write, unless I state otherwise. RFSP will also introduce Dylan Scralp, my OC from "Worlds Collide" that I am now giving a last name.**

 **When does this episode of RFSP take place? Due to the original idea for this story, "Golf isn't so bad" takes place 2½ months after the events of South Park: The Stick of Truth. (That is, assuming the game takes place in the month it was released, which was March 2014.) So yeah, as great as Season 18 was, RFSP treats Season 18 and beyond as non-cannon, unless stated otherwise. And anything Kenny says, unless he's unhooded, will be written in parentheses, to indicate his muffled voice.**

 **And of course the usual legal crap:**

 **I don't own South Park or any of its characters and scenarios. I only own my OC's. Anything mentioned in this story I don't own are owned by their respective owners. Anything South Park related, besides my OC's, are owned by Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Comedy Central, etc.**

 **With all that said, please enjoy the first chapter of the four part series premiere of Rad Fanon South Park!**

Golf Isn't So Bad

Synopsis: Unbeknownst to everyone but the mayor, South Park was entered into a sweepstakes to earn free admission to the 2014 American Golf Association, or AGA, Men's and Women's Finals in Nexton, North Carolina. The sudden announcement that South Park somehow won seems to excite everyone…except for a certain South Park mother…and a certain Nexton teenager.

* * *

The day couldn't have started any more normal for Eric Theodore Cartman.

It was nearing the end of the school day. Cartman and his friends had returned from one of their elective classes and were at their lockers before heading off to Mr. Garrison's class for the last time of the day. But Cartman was walking to his locker when he happened to think of a "Yo Mama" joke he felt like telling Kenny.

"Hey, hey Kenny!"

The boy in the orange parka turned around to hear what unimportant thing Cartman likely had to say.

("What?")

"Kenny, yo mama is so poor-!"

Immediately angered, Kenny punched Cartman in the arm.

("Shut the fuck up fat ass!")

"I didn't even say the whole thing!"

That's when the most gullible kid in all of South Park walked up to the two holding a plastic bag with what appeared to be small crudely-made berries inside.

"Hey fellas!"

The two immediately stopped bickering and faced Butters.

"Eric I think I'm doing something wrong."

Being well aware of what Butters was talking about, Cartman and Kenny tried very hard not to laugh.

"What's happening Butters?"

"Well, uh, I was following that map you gave me that leads to the place where those magical rabbits live, but all I found were these berries!"

"I know what's going wrong."

"What?"

"You're forgetting one crucial step Butters. You have to follow the instructions on the back of the map!"

"Really? Thanks Eric!"

Once Butters was out of earshot, Cartman and Kenny burst out in laughter.

("Dude what are those "berries" made of!?")

"You don't want to know!"

("What are the instructions!?")

"You don't want to know that either!" yelled Cartman in between fits of laughter.

As the two were having a hysterical meltdown, Kyle and Stan met up with them.

"Oh God, what are you doing to Butters now Cartman?" Kyle asked.

"Nothing a Jew would find funny!"

Kyle just rolled his eyes. Once the four started to make their way to Mr. Garrison's room, Kenny noticed Stan had a somewhat angry look in his eyes.

("One month later, and you're still pissed off?")

"Who knew Wendy could be such a bitch?" Stan replied.

As soon as Kyle heard this he retaliated with "If you hate her that much, then why the fuck are you with Bebe now?"

"So?"

"Yeah!"

As everyone knew by now, Stan and Wendy had gotten into a HUGE argument right in the middle of the hallway one month earlier. Long story short, the two broke up and have been very hateful towards each other since. And since that left them both single, Bebe suddenly became attracted to Stan, and the two started dating shortly after. Naturally, Wendy felt a little angry and betrayed that Bebe would even think about going out with someone she hated as much as Stan, especially since it was her ex-boyfriend of all people. But when she confronted her about this, Bebe admitted she really had feelings for him, which made Wendy decide that she just needed to move on from Stan completely. Bebe promised to not have Stan with her when she was near Wendy, and well, that basically did it.

But if there was one person more stunned about Stan and Bebe being a couple then Wendy, it was Kyle. Naturally, Kyle had no idea just why the fuck Stan would want to spend time with the best friend of someone he now had a deep loathing for, and he often questioned Stan about it, to which Stan would make some pathetic answer to shut Kyle up about it.

A few seconds later, the four boys arrived at Mr. Garrison's classroom and they took their seats. Once Mr. Garrison entered and quieted the small talk, Mr. Mackey's voice came on the loudspeaker.

"Attention everyone!"

"Oh what now?" said a sarcastic Mr. Garrison.

"Please make your way to the gymnasium immediately for an important announcement m'kay."

"Alright then. C'mon class, let's head to the gym."

As the class filed out of the room to head to the gym, Stan and Bebe met up and walked there holding hands…which caused Wendy to snarl, causing Stan to flip her off and keep walking.

As it turned out, what appeared to be the entire town had made their way to the gym for this special announcement. Stan and co. decided to sit near their parents, and Bebe stayed with him.

"Hey son!" Randy said once he caught sight of Stan and Bebe.

"Dad what are we all doing here?"

"Beats me. But it was apparently important enough to require the whole town being here."

"From what I could tell, it's the president of the AGA." Sharon added.

Sitting two rows behind them, Cartman had found his mother.

"What the hell is the AGA?"

"The American Golf Association." Sharon answered.

This suddenly caused Liane Cartman to appear very anxious, but nobody else noticed.

"Golf!?" replied Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny all at once.

"Who gives two shits about golf around here!?"

"Eric!" Liane scolded her son.

A man sporting black hair, glasses, and a business suit walked onto the stage that had been set in the middle of the room.

"Good afternoon South Park, Colorado! My name is Shelton J. Davenport Jr. and I am the president of the American Golf Association!"

Liane gasped out of sudden fear as everyone else gave him a round of welcoming applause.

"I'm so glad that I could grace each and every one of you here today with my presence, as I have a very exciting announcement to make! As you may know, the annual AGA Men's and Women's Finals are held back to back each year at the same location. But this year, the AGA held a free admission sweepstakes for any town that wished to enter."

"We don't care."

"And-what?"

"Uh, last time I checked, nobody here plays golf because it's pretty stupid" Stan explained.

"Stanley!" Sharon scolded.

"Golf is a lame ass sport for sex addicts who later throw their backs out before they turn 40!" Kyle added.

As Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny laughed at what Kyle said, nobody noticed that Davenport had his teeth gritted and his brow furrowed out of anger.

After calming down a bit Davenport asked Stan "If nobody here cares about golf, then explain how YOUR mayor entered YOUR town into the sweepstakes!"

All eyes then turned towards Mayor McDaniels, since nobody but her knew.

"What? Seemed like a fun idea to me." The mayor answered.

Davenport continued: "Anyway, South Park was in fact entered into the sweepstakes and guess what? You guys won!"

After a few awkward seconds of silence, everyone in the room started cheering, save for Liane who let out another gasp.

"We've got a few merchandise tables set up outside for those that want to go to the tournament in style! But other than that, get yourselves ready, because in a few days you're all headed to Nexton, North Carolina!"

That last part mad everyone cheer louder, except for Liane who just silently murmured "Oh no!"

Just mere moments later, crowds had gathered outside to buy some AGA merchandise, some of which appeared to be slightly overpriced, but nobody seemed to care.

Stan and Bebe walked outside and grabbed a small brochure on the tournament and on Nexton itself.

"It says here that North Carolina is two time zones ahead of us!"

"Boy that'll take a while to get used to!" Stan replied. "But I still don't get it. Since when does anybody hear really like golf?"

"I guess those days are over now Stan."

Kyle had walked up to the two sporting some new AGA merchandise he had just bought.

"You actually bought that?"

"Yeah I thought it looked kind of neat dude!"

"But I thought golf was stupid?"

"We used to! But think about this Stan! We've been to lots of places before, but never to where were about to go! Just think…Nexton, North Carolina!"

"But I've never even heard of that place! And what the fuck is a 'Nexton'?"

"I don't know but I think it's got a nice ring to it!"

"Yeah…yeah you're right Kyle! Suddenly this is exciting!" Bebe's smile indicated she agreed.

Meanwhile Cartman and Kenny were in line to get some merchandise.

"You know…it's really a shame Kenny."

("What?")

"It's a damn shame you're too poor to afford any of this great stuff!"

As Kenny furrowed his brow in anger, a still nervous Liane approached her son.

"Eric sweetie…I don't think you need any of this stuff."

"But mem!" Cartman protested. "I have to look cool like everyone else!"

"Well…alright then."

She ran off looking just as anxious as before.

Later that night, Butters was in his room with the "berries" and was about to start doing what the instructions on the back of the map Cartman gave him told him to do. What he didn't know is that Cartman was spying on him through his Cartman's bedroom window via a pair of binoculars.

Cartman watched as Butters read the instructions and then pull his pants down. He started to chuckle knowing that so far, Butters was falling for it.

As Butters' luck would have it, right when he was attempting to perform the most *ahem* gruesome part, Stephen knocked on the door asking Butters if he was packing.

"Uh…sure Dad!"

The door opened. "Butters what-AHH BUTTERS WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!"

"Its how I find magical rabbits Dad!" Butters answered as he kept doing what he was doing.

Stephen furiously took the berries away from him. "BUTTERS! What the hell were you doing with these!?"

"Uh…well…but.-"

"No buts Butters! You're grounded!"

Stephen left the room and slammed the door only to open it back up a second later and say "After we get back from the golf tournament!"

"Ah hamburgers…."

Once all the events had unfolded, Cartman doubled over in severe fits of laughter.

"AHAHAHA! That dumb ass walked right into that one! HAHAHAHHA! He doesn't even know what those 'berries' really are! HAHAHAHA!"

Later that night, Cartman was downstairs watching the Terrance and Phillip show. It appeared that Terrance was a hotel front desk man for this sketch. Phillip walked up and spoke first.

"Hello sir! Do you have any rooms available in this fine hotel?"

"Hmm let me check the records…ah yes we have one room left!"

"Which one?"

"That would be room number.-"

Terrance cut himself off with a really long fart, to which the pair responded with their trademark laugh.

"Do you offer continental breakfast?"

"We sure do buddy! We have a buffet filled with *fart* and some *fart* and a whole lot of.-"

Again Terrance cut himself off with a really long fart, and again the pair laughed. A few moments later, Liane entered the room and actually started to watch Terrance and Phillip with him.

"Uh…mom?"

"Yes hon?"

"You're watching Terrance and Phillip?"

"Is it a problem sweetie?"

"Not really, but why are you doing it now?"

"Uh…no reason."

Liane got up and turned the TV off and sat down on the couch next to Cartman.

"Eric, um…we need to talk…about this golf thing we're all going to."

"OK what?"

"Well…you see…I'm worried about it."

"How come? Everyone'll be there."

"Yes but I mean you in particular. Eric, I want you to promise me something."

"What?"

"Promise me that if you meet anyone you don't know in the slightest, and I mean ANYONE, that you won't give out our last name."

"What for?"

"It's just that…well I mean; we are going to a new town aren't we? We need to take precautions like this!"

"Yeah mom, whatever, I promise."

* * *

While that was happening at the Cartman residence, Kyle was busy in his room packing, when his doorbell suddenly rang. Kyle went downstairs and opened the door…and was quite surprised to find Wendy of all people waiting there.

"Wendy?"

"Do you have a minute?"

"Sure, come on in."

The two sat down on the couch and Wendy explained why she was there.

"Kyle, you're Stan's best friend. I need some advice."

"About what? You've already broken up. Are you jealous that he's with Bebe?"

"No, it's just…I feel like I haven't completely moved on from him and you know him better than I do and so I came to you."

"Um…maybe you can just flat out ignore him?"

"That's kind of what I've been doing."

"Well…that's the best I can tell you. I'm not really good with romantic advice. Sorry."

"Well…thanks for trying anyway."

Wendy got up off the couch and started to leave, but Kyle had one more question for her.

"Do you have any idea what this…Nexton place is like?"

"I did a little research on it earlier. From what I could tell, it's somewhat big on golf and it's hosted several other tournaments before. But if that's the case, then as far as this tournament is concerned, I'm sure there are plenty of people just now waking up to it."

* * *

Two time zones east of South Park, a 17 year-old brown-haired boy was sound asleep in his room at his house in Nexton, North Carolina.

Scralp. Dylan Scralp was his name. One might think Scralp was just a nickname, considering how his head often had somewhat mild amounts of dandruff in it. But no, Scralp was his last name, and it was one that Dylan always thought kicked ass. Who wouldn't think that was a cool last name?

His bedside alarm clock then read 7:00 A.M. and started buzzing. Dylan started to wake up a bit, trying to connect his hand with the snooze button of his alarm clock. Once he did, he got up out of bed and turned the alarm off. Flakes of dandruff and loose hairs had stuck to his pillow, but it was a small enough amount that one wouldn't be able to tell if they were standing only 4 feet away.

Besides the kick-ass last name, Dylan was also very proud of his small moustache. The moustache had suddenly appeared one day just one month into 7th grade, when he was only 12 years old. Back then he was the only person he knew that had gotten one, and even now he only saw a moustache on about 15% of his male classmates. 7th grade was also his growth spurt, as he had grown about 4 inches that year. By the end of 7th grade he stood tall at 5' 5" while about 70% of the kids in his grade hadn't caught quite up to him. Now he measured 5' 9¾" and while his moustache hadn't grown much harrier since first getting it, it was still, for his age, quite awesome. His height and early moustache were always two of his bragging rights.

He got up out of bed, in his underwear I might add, and walked over to his dresser and picked out a green short sleeved T-shirt. He then walked over to his closet, opened it up, and picked out the pair of athletic shorts with the 2 small orange stripes on each side. Dylan certainly wasn't athletic, hell no, but the material of those shorts was what he liked to wear the most since middle school.

He walked out to the living room, where he plopped down on a chair and tried to wake up. Soon after, his mother, Sonja Scralp, came out into the living room. Sonja bore neck-length brown curly hair. When she came out, she was already awake.

"Good morning Dylan!"

"Huh? Oh…good morning mom." Answered a half-awake Dylan.

Dylan got up and walked over to the kitchen counter and made the first part of his breakfast: A glass of orange juice. Today was his U.S. History final exam, so he had to make sure he had a proper breakfast with all the essentials.

Sonja tossed a copy of that day's edition of the local newspaper.

"It says who won that AGA free admission sweepstakes."

Reading aloud in a whisper voice: "South Park, Colorado wins free admission sweepstakes to 2014 AGA finals." "Hm. Well, good for them."

Dylan took a sip of orange juice…only to spit it out into the sink a second later out of total and sudden shock.

"WAIT, WHAT!?"

"Everything OK?" asked Sonja.

"Er…yeah. Just a little…um…shocked that they of all people won."

Dylan instantly realized what South Park coming to Nexton meant. He was starting to quietly freak out over the potential danger that was very likely to happen. He checked his phone and sure enough there was one unread text message sent the night before.

 **We have a problem. BIG problem. The AGA is sending us all to Nexton. Should we call in the others? -L.**

Dylan immediately responded.

 **Yeah, I just heard. No, I don't think we need the others. I'll let my group handle this. I'll do whatever I can to make sure none of you get here. -D.**

* * *

 **A/N: So what do you think? Do you like the way this story's headed so far? Please leave a review with suggestions and feedback!**


	2. Chapter 2

RFSP episode #101

Golf Isn't So Bad

Chapter 2-The failed preventions

 **A/N: Hey everybody! I hope you enjoyed Chapter 1 of the first episode of RFSP, because here's chapter 2! Enjoy!**

* * *

After receiving the text message, Dylan Scralp hurriedly ate the rest of his breakfast, finished getting ready for school, rocketed out of his house, started his car, and sped the hell out of there, all in extreme panic.

About 15 minutes later, Dylan arrived at his destination: Eastern Oak High School, located in the town of Eastern Oak, North Carolina. More precisely, Eastern Oak high was pretty close by to the Nexton-Eastern Oak border.

Dylan hurriedly pulled into his parking spot and tore like hell through the courtyard, causing him to gain some awkward stares from everyone watching him as the school day didn't start for another 5 minutes.

Inside Room 4201 of EOH, a class full of 11th graders was making small talk amongst themselves. The teacher took note that Dylan was the only one that hadn't arrived yet.

Exactly 1 minute and 34.7 seconds later, Dylan ran face-first into the closed door, due to not having enough reaction time to stop due to his running speed. After recovering from that sudden shock, he opened the door and was greeted by about 22 concerned faces.

"Whoa dude…are you OK?"

"Yeah everyone…I'm fine."

As soon as the teacher turned her back, Dylan immediately got everyone else's attention and started making a bunch of weird signals using his hands and fingers. After his message was finished, his classmates gasped as they knew what it meant.

Dylan sat down as the teacher began passing out the exam booklets.

"45 questions? Shit, this'll take me at least 2 hours!" Dylan groaned as he leafed through the test.

At the end of the school day, after everyone else had left, every EOH 11th grader, and ONLY every EOH 11th grader, gathered in the auditorium for what appeared to be a secret emergency meeting of sorts. Standing behind a podium on the stage, Dylan began to speak.

"Hey, hey, hey settle down everyone! The first thing we need to do is NOT panic! Once we get this situation addressed, THEN you can panic. Anyway, as I'm sure most of you have heard by now…South Park, Colorado won the AGA's free admission sweepstakes. South Park, Colorado…is coming to Nexton, North Carolina."

Sara, one of Dylan's closest friends whom also served as an admin in the group, stood up and asked: "Are you sure this is absolutely, positively true!?"

"Yes Sara, it is! It was in the paper this morning! How did none of you guys see it!? This is an official state of emergency, and you all should've already known!"

Bailey, another good friend of Dylan's as well as an admin of the group, stood up and voiced his concern.

"Don't you think we're in a little too much over our heads this time!? It might be best to tell everyone so we can try and protect everyone!"

"No Bailey, we DON'T need to do that! I'm quite sure we can handle this whole mess ourselves!"

Chris, another close friend and admin, stood up.

"But you-know-who is going to find you now! Aren't you the LEAST bit worried about that!?"

Dylan paused and thought long and hard for a moment.

"Of course I am Chris! Look the thing is guys…if there's anyone in this room right now that's in more danger then the rest, it's me. Unfortunately…that also means the rest of you are at about the same risk. All in all…if anything happens to any of you, it's my fault. I don't know how were going to do this…but I'll make sure nothing happens to any of us. Whatever it takes, I'll make sure this turns out OK. I promise. For now though, everybody get to your command centers!"

And so, all the 11th graders left for the huge underground lair beneath the lake at EOH. Granted the lake was actually a pond, but everyone called it the lake. The lair was filled with dozens and dozens of computers and such, and it was the main base of the group the 11th graders had secretly formed. Nobody knew about the lair, their secret group, or anything they did.

Dylan, being the leader of the secret group, walked around a bit and stopped at Leah's work station. As you may have already guessed, Leah was also an admin and good friend of his.

"Leah! What's happening?"

Leah had pulled up the feed from a security camera in South Park.

"The orange kid died again."

Dylan walked over and looked at the feed. Sure enough, the video showed three boys standing around a giant boulder in the middle of the road that had crushed the orange parka kid. As blood began to pour out from underneath the boulder, one of the boys yelled "Oh my God! They killed Kenny!" and another one replied with "You bastards!"

"Well, what do you think? Anything?" Leah asked Dylan.

"Kenny will respawn later and none of his friends will remember it. Nothing out of the ordinary there." Dylan replied.

As the two were discussing the matter, Edith, the last admin of the group who hadn't known Dylan as long as the others but was still on excellent terms with him, approached them with new information.

"Dylan! We've come up with an idea!" Edith said as she handed a pile of papers to Dylan.

Dylan read through them and a smile came to his face, indicating he liked what he saw.

"Yes…yes…yes! This might actually buy us enough time!"

* * *

Back in South Park, Stan was watching TV in his living room, when a knock on the door caused him to get up and answer it. He found Kyle standing there, shoving a lanyard with a big ticket of some sort attached to it towards him.

"Oh hey Kyle."

"Dude, look at this!"

"What is it?"

"It's a pass were all getting for the golf tournaments, but look on the back of it!"

Stan flipped it over.

"They have rules for this thing?"

"I know right? Who would've guessed!?"

Stan started reading aloud.

"No cell phones, no cameras, no outside food or drink, no audio recorders, no coolers, no TV's…no TV'S!? Who the hell brings a TV to a golf game!? Who made this bullshit!?"

"Yeah, I know. Too many rules, a good portion of which don't make a whole lot of sense."

"Well thanks for showing me dude. Now hopefully my dad won't try to sneak anything in."

"Oh relax. I doubt they have security areas set up or anything."

* * *

Funny thing that Kyle should say that, as back in Nexton, at the site of the AGA finals, Shelton J. Davenport Jr. was watching a big tent labeled "Bag Check" get set up.

"OK people make that bag check tent as big as you can! I want nobody finding a way to sneak anything in!"

Just then an AGA employee approached him with a folder full of documents.

"Sir! I have some recently acquired information for you!"

Davenport took the folder and started flipping through its contents.

"Hmmm…list of illogical rules…list of high merchandise prices…and a picture of…whoa! Is this what I think it is?"

Davenport held out a blurred picture of what appeared to be 3 young adults, two male and one female, and two teenagers, one boy and one girl.

"It absolutely is sir!"

As Davenport looked at the picture, his eyebrows and mouth moved to form an evil looking position.

"Perfect! I have them right where I want them…."

* * *

Later that night at the Denver International Airport, Dylan along with a few other EOH 11th graders, snuck up to a fence guarding the runway area. The group was dressed in the stealthiest looking black stealth clothing you could think of. Nobody would be able to see them.

"OK gang, phase 2!" Dylan explained. "In order to make sure none of their asses get there, we need to get rid of any means of transportation!"

The group climbed over the fence and made their way to a spare runway, where 6 airplanes that would be used to transport South Park to Nexton stood waiting. Above the group, another plane had taken off, and another plane farther away was beginning to land.

After sneaking past all the security guards, the group got up close to the 6 planes. Dylan took out a scanning device form a large duffel bag he was carrying. He scanned every plane, and the scanner indicated there was zero sign of life in any of them.

"It's safe! Get to work everyone!"

* * *

The next morning, Randy went upstairs to wake Stan up.

"Stan? Stan! Wake up son, we got to leave soon!"

Half awake, Stan walked downstairs to the kitchen to get breakfast. The other three Marsh's were there as well.

"Alrighty everyone! Who's ready for an adventure?" Randy asked his half-awake family.

"Just promise me you're not going to do anything TOO stupid." Stan replied.

"At a golf tournament? What I could do there that could be the least bit embarrassing?"

The others were quick to answer to that.

"Get drunk and run out onto the course." Stan answered.

Sharon and Shelley were quick to back him up.

"Try to sneak something past security."

"Everything."

"Oh ye three of little faith! That was the old me! I've changed!"

"Sure…." Replied the other three in unison.

A little while later, a cab carrying the McCormick family pulled up to Denver International Airport. Kenny was the first one out, with the other four close behind. Once inside the airport however, they noticed everyone else they knew bickering with a pilot and a flight attendant.

Kenny walked over and met up with Stan, Kyle, Ike, and Cartman.

("What's going on?")

"Kenny, how the hell did your poor ass family afford a taxi?" asked Cartman.

("It was free along with everything else on this trip dumb ass!") Kenny replied after punching Cartman in the arm.

Kyle answered his question: "They're saying that sometime last night; a couple of people snuck in here and removed the steering controls, the wheels, the shitty snacks they serve you, and the jets from each plane! We have no way of getting to North Carolina now!"

Meanwhile, Gerald and Sheila seemed to be leading the huge bickering towards the pilot and flight attendant.

"Look everyone I told you: I don't know who did this!" yelled the pilot.

"Why can't you people just fix the planes then!?" responded an angry Gerald Broflovski.

"We would, but the saboteurs took all the parts they dismantled with them!"

That statement was met with a large angry groan from the crowd.

"Well how are we supposed to get to Nexton now?" asked Sheila.

The flight attendant informed them of their only other option.

"Our only way of getting you there quickly now is to put you all on different flights headed to St. Louis. Those who got there first would then need to wait for EVERYONE else in your town to get to St. Louis. Then we'd have to put you all on separate flights headed to Raleigh."

"What about that private airport near Nexton?"

"They're shut down for the moment." Responded the pilot. "Something about a bunch of people coming and disabling their radio signals."

"Yeesh!" Kyle exclaimed.

The pilot continued: "Once you all get to Raleigh, you'd again need to wait on everyone else from your town. We'll then put you on a couple of charter buses and taxis and drive you over to Nexton."

"And how long is that going to take?" Cartman asked.

"If all goes well, it'll hopefully be no more than two and a half days."

This was met with another loud angry groan.

"Hey now settle down everyone! I've got a few lists here on who's going on which flight to St. Louis and when. Study 'em carefully now."

The pilot shoved a list of flights to St. Louis towards the angry crowd.

* * *

Later that night in Nexton, the four Scralp's had just sat down for dinner.

"So uh…Dad you seem a little pissed off. How come?" Dylan asked.

His father, Scott Scralp, answered him.

"That town that won free admission to the golf games was supposed to arrive today, but now they're not getting here until Saturday."

"Saturday! Why?" Sonja asked.

"The planes that were supposed to bring them here were sabotaged. Their jets, steering controls, wheels, and peanuts were all stolen! From every one of them too!"

"Oh my word!" responded Sonja.

"Somehow I admire the strength of whoever did it though. Whoever dismantled the planes took all the parts with them."

"Well it wasn't just ONE person."

Thinking that sounded a little suspicious, Scott raised his eyebrow a little at his son's comment.

"Well I mean there's no way one person could have carried two tons of that stuff and not get caught. He or she obviously had some help."

Dylan's 13 year-old sister, Caroline Scralp, replied sarcastically: "No Dylan. The guy just took the world's supply of steroids and dragged all the parts with him using just one finger."

Ignoring her, Dylan asked his father if and how South Park was getting to Nexton now.

"They're being put onto God knows how many planes, all heading to St. Louis. Once they all get there, they'll get on God knows how many planes and jet over to Raleigh where they'll get on a bunch of charter buses and taxis to get here. Those poor folks will all have to sleep on cots or something in St. Louis."

"Well I can definitely see how you, the general manager of the Nexton golf resort that's hosting all of this, would be mad. So uh…how's the AGA taking it?"

"Way worse than I am. I had a meeting with them today and Mr. Davenport started flipping tables over when he heard the news."

"Mr. Davenport?"

"The president of the AGA."

"Oh…right. So long story short…South Park's coming here anyways?"

"Correct."

* * *

Later that night in the EOH 11th graders underground base, Dylan began angrily pacing back and forth.

"That son of a bitch caught us at our own game! I should've known he'd be able to predict this!"

"What makes you think Davenport knows it was us?" Chris asked.

"Who the hell else would he think it was?"

"So what do we do now?" asked Leah.

"Stall them! Stall these people any way you can without causing them bodily harm! I'm going to have to come up with another plan! *sigh* I need a Dr. Pepper. Did you disable the time lock on the soda machines in the courtyard?"

"Yes."

"Thank you."

* * *

The next morning, several South Park residents were able to get on a few planes headed to St. Louis. Stan, Bebe, and Butters soon found themselves sitting in a window row of some American Airlines plane.

"Oh my God, this plane is so slow!" Stan complained for the umpteenth time.

"Butters how many times has he said that now?" Bebe asked Butters.

"63."

"Butters, why are you counting that?"

"You might want to instead focus on everyone else who's getting annoyed."

Sure enough, Craig leaned over in his seat a few rows up and flipped Stan off.

"Craig! What the fuck!?"

"You deserve that." Craig replied.

"For what!?"

"For complaining too much."

"See, I told you!" Butters explained.

Stan breathed a heavy sigh.

"What's gotten you so worked up?" Bebe asked. "You've been like this all day!"

"Please Bebe, not right now. I just need a break from everyone at the moment."

Stan got up to go to the bathroom, only to find that Cartman was still in there.

"Hurry up fat ass!"

"Let a man crap alright!" replied the voice from inside.

"You've been in there for an hour now!"

* * *

Meanwhile on another American Airlines flight, Jimmy, Red, Kenny, and Kyle occupied a row and all looked about as worked up as Stan.

"I think there's a-a-a-a little too much an-an-anxiety fellows." Jimmy stuttered. "Anyone want to hear a f-f-fan-fantastic joke?"

"Not now Jimmy, I don't think anybody's in the mood." answered Red.

Suddenly the pilot's voice came on over the intercom.

"This is your pilot speaking. Due to some oddly timed dangerous weather patterns a few miles off, we're going to be delayed for about an hour."

The announcement was met with large amounts of angry groans.

"S-s-s-son of a bitch!"

* * *

The next morning, the last plane arrived in St. Louis and the last few South Park residents that hadn't arrived yet had finally arrived.

That's when Tweek came running up to Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny, spazzing out like he always does.

"Ahh! You guys!"

"What is it Tweek?" Kyle asked.

"All the planes that were supposed to take us to Raleigh blew up a few hours ago!"

"Ah, what the fuck!?" Cartman exclaimed.

("How could that have happened without any of us hearing an explosion?")

"Hmmm…I wonder…." Stan wondered.

"What?"

"This is one too big of a series of unfortunate events. Something or someone must be at work here."

"Oh no! We'll never get to Nexton! Ahh!"

"Was anybody killed?" Kyle asked.

"I don't think so! Ahh! This is too much pressure to think about!"

Shortly after Tweek came bearing good news; Mr. Garrison appeared bearing good news.

"Hey everyone! There's a giant plane over there that were all getting on! We won't have to wait on a bunch of others!"

The second he said that, everyone started tearing like hell across the airport to get to that plane.

As this was going on, Dylan and another EOH 11th grader had been watching the entire thing from their underground base via the airport surveillance feed.

"I told you to get all of them!" Dylan exclaimed.

"I thought you said to leave the blue one!" she replied.

"No I said to get all of them, especially the blue one, then leave!"

"Ooops…."

A few hours later, the aforementioned plane had arrived in Raleigh. The moment the doors opened and the steps came down; everyone rushed out of there like maniacs, as at that point, they were all pretty fed up with the transportation process.

Every South Park resident made their way to the front entrance of the airport where 12 big charter buses and 26 taxis were waiting to take them to Nexton. Wanting to get out of there as soon as they could, everyone just hopped on the first bus or taxi they saw. The bus and taxi drivers took a quick roll call to make sure every South Park resident had boarded one of the buses or taxis and left the airport afterwards.

The EOH 11th graders had watched that as well.

Dylan sighed. "It never gets any easier. Alright everyone, come on. We need to think of a way to confront them face-to-face without them ever knowing who we really are."

"And how do you expect us to do that?"

"I've got one more trick up my sleeve. Watch my progress on one of the monitors, I'll be right back."

 **A/N: So what did you guys think? Please leave a review if you liked it!**


	3. Chapter 3

RFSP episode #101

Golf Isn't So Bad

Chapter 3-South Park Meets Nexton

* * *

Dylan Scralp hurriedly made his way up a highway that one of the charter buses leaving the airport was traveling on. Dylan was attempting to set in motion the one final idea he had.

He quickly squatted down behind a few low hanging tree branches on the top of a hill on the side of the road. As he saw the bus approaching, he took out a shotgun, loaded the ammo, mounted it on the ground so that it'd be resting on his shoulder, and shot a few shells just as the bus was driving by. The shells hit their intended target, the bus's tires, with extra precision. The tires immediately went flat, and the bus hurriedly pulled over to the side of the road. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny were all on board this one.

"What the hell was that!?" Stan exclaimed.

"Sounds like we got a flat tire!" Kyle added.

("What else could go wrong!?")

Suddenly more shotgun shells were fired. They crashed through the window and struck Kenny, who died a few seconds later.

"Oh my God! They killed Kenny!"

"You bastard!"

* * *

Dylan returned to the underground lair and was met by a few questioning faces.

"How does blowing out ONE bus's tires and killing Kenny stop them from coming here?" Sara asked.

"Because, the enemy realizes that the tournament can't start without that whole town there." Dylan answered her.

"But that doesn't stop it, it delays it!" Sara replied.

"I'm well aware of that. I've come to the conclusion that there's no way of stopping them from coming. While they're delayed a little bit more, we have time to think of a new strategy. We need a plan that will allow them to come here, but not find out squat. And I think I know just how to start it…."

It was another hour later when a service truck bearing two new bus tires finally showed up and repaired the bus. As soon as the work was done, the bus pulled back onto the road and continued on its journey without delay.

Once the bus finally arrived in Nexton, the four boys stared out the window, only to find that as far as landmarks and the overall feel, Nexton was somewhat similar to South Park. Of course, Nexton didn't have snow lying on the ground every single day.

But the bus was only passing through Nexton for the time being. Its current destination was Eastern Oak High School. Once they got there, the bus driver explained that Davenport was given the use of the EOH football field for an "official welcoming speech" of some sort.

Everyone got off the bus and made their way to the football field and sat in the bleachers that everyone else was in.

"What took you guys so long?" Clyde asked once Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny took their seats.

"We were once again the victims of bad transportation." Cartman answered.

Davenport entered on a stage in the middle of the field and started speaking into a microphone.

"First of all on behalf of the entire American Golf Association, I am extremely sorry it took so long to get each and every one of you here. After the planes were sabotaged, you all were supposed to be here tomorrow, but fortunately we got you here a day early. Now for a few other things: First off, dates: The Men's Finals practice rounds are Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday and the real thing is from Thursday to Sunday. The Woman's Finals is laid out the same way and the first practice day is the day after the last day of the Men's Finals."

"Second, tournament accessibility: Each and every one of you are considered VIP's since you come from the winning town. Therefore, your passes will be VIP marked and allow you access to all the tents on the golf course, excluding ones that are for AGA personnel only and things like that."

"Oh dear!" Liane whispered to herself. "I was afraid of that!"

"Third: Even though you are special guests, I ask you follow all the rules. A list of items forbidden from entering the tournament grounds is on the back of each of your passes. Lastly, lodging for the next two weeks. Although I'd personally love to have each of you stay in the main hotel of the Nexton resort, which is just a 2 minute bus ride from the tournament grounds, there are also plenty of people who had to pay good money in order to get here. So while we were able to get a good amount of you rooms in that hotel, the rest of you will either lodge in one of the other two hotels of the resort, which are the Birch and Estate Inn's, or just some other hotel in this county. Don't worry though. For those of you not in one of the three resort hotels, there are several shuttle stations scattered all over the county, containing lots of charter buses to get you all to the tournament grounds. And if you ever need or want to get to one of the three resort hotels, just call us, and we'll send over a taxi or two to get you there from wherever you're staying. The number you'd need to call will be posted in your room at the hotel you're at. I am now going to call the last names of those staying in the main resort hotel, the Nex hotel. If you hear your last name called, go to the bus in the parking lot and it will take you there."

Davenport cleared his throat and called out the last names of those staying in the Nex.

"Marsh, Broflovski, McCormick…."

Liane had her fingers crossed that she wouldn't be called. But much to her dismay, she was anyway.

"Cartman, Stotch, Garrison, Black, Stevens, and Testaburger."

While originally happy he'd be in the same hotel with Bebe, he quickly became angry when he heard Wendy's last name was also called.

"Boy you really hold a grudge, huh?" Kyle commented.

"Yeah why don't you and her get a room and make out together?" Cartman laughed at his own comment until Stan angrily kicked him in the balls.

"Those who I just called, make your way to the bus. Everyone else, keep listening." Davenport finished.

* * *

While that was going on, Dylan was over in the courtyard conversing with his fellow 11th graders, when Chris ran up to him, completely out of breath.

"Chris are you OK?"

"No *pant* I'm not."

"What's the problem?"

"*pant* South Park is over at the football field right now getting hotel assignments!"

"WHAT!? THEY'RE HERE!?"

"Yes!"

"SHIT! You guys alert the others and tell them I had to start Emergency Plan #4-8T a little earlier than we expected! I have to get to the Nex!"

Dylan took off at top speed towards the student parking lot, where he hurriedly unlocked his 2013 Honda Civic, got inside, turned the car on, and sped off. He pulled out of the student parking lot right when the bus started to pull out of the football field parking lot. In his panic, he floored the acceleration. Fortunately for him, he was able to turn at the stoplight at the bottom of the road, whereas it was red when the bus got out there.

"Whew!"

* * *

A few minutes later the bus pulled into the Nex hotel and everyone got off. The ones that had gotten a room in the Nex were soon admiring their surroundings as they stepped inside and made their way to the front desk. What they didn't know is that Dylan was sitting in a chair not too far away from the front desk, with a newspaper hiding his face.

"And you people must be the AGA sweepstakes winners!" the front desk woman greeted them.

"Some of them, but not all of them."

"Where's the rest of your town?"

"The AGA had to put them in other hotels."

"Well we were quite overbooked. I'm surprised they managed to fit all 28 of you in here, let alone anyone really. But aside from that, I want to personally welcome you all to Nexton, North Carolina and to the Nex hotel and the resort itself! Over there is the Nex Dining Room and down that way is the pool. But if you go to the pool when the male pool attendant is on duty…all I'll say is that if you need his immediate assistance, you better pray he's not in the bathroom."

"Hey!"

As soon as Dylan said that, he immediately raised the newspaper back up before anybody saw him.

"Feel free to check everything out later! I'll get your room keys. Let's see…here we go! Marsh, room 226, second floor. The elevator is right over there. Garrison, room 219, second floor. McCormick, room 345, third floor. Black, room, 431, fourth floor. Cartman, room 201, second floor, west wing. Stevens, room 225, second floor. Testaburger, room 227, second floor."

It was just Stan's luck that he was right in between both Wendy and Bebe. Right in between the person he hated and the person he liked.

"Stotch, room 308, third floor, west wing. Last but not least, Broflovski, room…."

"Room what?" Sheila asked.

The front desk woman half-frantically searched for another room key.

"I don't get it! I don't have any more room keys! Uh…I know! I'll check the records!" She began half-frantically typing on the computer in front of her. "No…no…no…NO!"

"Do we have a room or not?" asked Gerald.

"I'm terribly sorry Mr. and Mrs. Broflovski…I don't know how this happened but…there seems to be no trace of your AGA-made reservation in our records."

"Wha-wha-what!?"

"Where are we supposed to stay!?"

"I don't know...uh…I'll call Mr. Davenport and get something worked out for you!"

She ran off to call Mr. Davenport.

"Uh…good luck?" Stan said to Kyle.

"What?"

"We're going to go to our rooms now. Hope they work something out for you." Everyone but the Broflovski's went off to find their rooms.

Kyle plopped down on the chair next to Dylan's and sighed.

"How could this have happened? First the planes were sabotaged, then the bus tires went flat and now-."

"You and your family have no place to stay."

"Excuse me?"

"I couldn't help but overhear that entire conversation that you people just had with the front desk woman. Sounds like your family may have gotten screwed over by the AGA."

"And who are you?"

Dylan lowered the newspaper, revealing his face to Kyle. "Me? Why I'm one of the most interesting people you could ever meet. My name is Dylan Scralp. Who may I ask are you?"

"Kyle. Kyle Broflovski. Those are my parents and that's my adopted Canadian brother Ike."

"…I see. So anyway your family's in quite a conundrum."

"Yeah we are."

"Well this might sound a little…sudden to say the least but…would the four of you care to stay at my house?"

"What!? I just met you!"

"I realize that but this is the part where I tell you more about myself. You see my father, Scott Scralp, is the general manager of this resort. Believe me at a time like this, the last thing he needs is he and the company's image getting hurt over something as silly as a reservation mix-up right in the middle of an important golf event such as this one. And in a way, this would also make the AGA look bad. I don't think either company wants something like this ruining this event. But if you guys lodged with me, it would solve everything, keep this issue a secret, and save the company's ass from humiliation.

"Whoa…you're right!"

"Such is one of my unique abilities. I'm also pretty detail oriented. I have a great photographic and detail-oriented memory."

"Cool! So you really think your parents will let my family stay there?"

"Yeah, I don't see why not. I can probably squeeze all four of you in my car."

"What kind of car?"

"A 2013 Honda Civic."

"What color is it?"

"Blue. A sexy blue."

"Say…are you the male pool attendant?"

"How'd you know?"

"I heard your verbal outburst when the front desk woman said you take too long going to the bathroom."

"Don't listen to what anyone says, I do not spend that much time in the bathroom."

"How old are you exactly?"

"17."

"Kyle who are you talking to?" asked Sheila who had just walked over.

"Mom! This kid is offering for us to stay with him!"

"Oh bube that'd be great, but who is he?"

Dylan stood up and introduced himself. "Dylan Scralp. One of the pool attendants here. Son of Nexton resort general manger Scott Scralp. I have a car to get you to my place."

"Well...OK. Are you absolutely sure your parents would agree?"

"I'll call them first, but considering how my dad runs the resort hosting a very big golf event, he wouldn't want something like this screwing it all up."

"Great! Thank you so much!" Dylan took out his phone to call Sonja. "Gerald! Ike! Problem solved! We're staying with the family of one of the managers!"

"Yaay!" Ike exclaimed.

"Oh thank God!" replied Gerald

Dylan hung up the phone. "My mom's cool with it! Are you all ready?"

"Yes!" replied all 4 Broflovski's in unison. They started to leave, but before they did, Dylan walked up to the front desk woman and said: "I do not live on the toilet thank you very much!"

Once they got to Dylan's car, Kyle immediately started admiring it. Gerald sat in the passenger seat, while Sheila sat in the back with Ike on her lap and Kyle in the middle.

"Sorry guys, we got to take a little detour first. My mom wants me to pick my sister up from her school."

They arrived at the school.

"Hey! Caroline! Get in! We're inconveniencing the guests!"

"What gue-who are they?" she asked once she saw the Broflovski's. She got in the car and sat in the empty seat next to Kyle. Kyle could tell she was older than him, he guessed around 13.

"They're from that town who won the AGA thing. They were supposed to be at the Nex but their AGA-made reservation somehow vanished and they're living with us now. This is Gerald, Sheila, Ike, and Kyle Broflovski. They're from South Park, Colorado."

"Hello all."

Kyle blushed.

"So uh…Kyle." Dylan continued. "You said that Ike was adopted from Canada?"

"Yeah! One time we were forced to give him back. So my friends and I went to Canada to go get him and found out that Canada's new prime minister that made up that new rule was really Saddam Hussein!"

"Saddam Hussein?"

"Yeah! So once we found that out, everyone overthrew him and we got Ike back!"

"Ah yes I remember now. That was on the news."

"The news!?" Gerald exclaimed.

"Come on, you guys are from South Park. Tell me you honestly didn't know that half of the crazy things that happen in your town get put in the national news?"

"Well…not really. Not that much anyways."

"So how much are we in the news?" Kyle wondered.

"Enough for me to know about the Black Friday war last Thanksgiving, sightings of visitors, Barbara Streisand's attacks, Paris Hilton getting shoved up some gay guy's ass, and something about a kid dressed in tinfoil. Well, OK, I don't know a whole lot but…."

"How'd you know about Paris Hilton?" Sheila inquired.

"One of my hobbies. My Internet homepage at my house is set to . I read whatever interesting story pops up there. And I write it down."

Suddenly Kyle's phone rang, and he answered it. It was Stan and Kyle put it on speakerphone.

"Hello?"

"Dude where are you? I can't find you anywhere."

"It's OK dude. The son of the general manager of the resort is letting us stay with his folks."

"Really?" That's great!"

"Tell everyone else that."

"OK yeah I will. Hey before you go, Jimmy called a few minutes ago."

"Where's he staying?"

"I think he's at a Hampton Inn somewhere near that high school we were just at along with Tweek's family and Mr. Mackey. But Jimmy said he was watching the news just now and he saw something on it."

"What was it?"

"He said it was something about that Davenport guy."

"What about him?"

"He said that Davenport came on the news and held up a picture of five people. Jimmy couldn't make out who was in the picture because it was apparently blurry. Davenport asked that anyone with any information about them contact the AGA immediately."

"What the hell for?"

"I don't know but it sounds like they have some importance to him."

"What did Jimmy say they looked like?"

"From what I gathered, it was a picture of two Canadians, two kids that looked about 14 or so, one male and one female, and some woman that Jimmy couldn't help but feel looked like Cartman's mom."

When Dylan heard that, his face froze and his mouth hung open for a bit. He knew exactly what Stan and Kyle were talking about.

"Who knows?" Kyle continued. "Maybe one of those Canadians was one of Cartman's mom's many suitors!"

Stan and Kyle got a laugh out of that.

"Ey! I heard that you Jewish son of a bitch!" roared Cartman's voice in the background.

"Oh relax Cartman."

"So are we all going to meet up or something tomorrow?" Stan asked.

"Yeah, I guess so but where?"

"Where else? The Nex hotel."

"OK see you later." Kyle said as he hung up.

"…What was…that…about?" Dylan asked nervously.

"I'll tell you later."

"No need to…." Dylan whispered silently under his breath.

"Who names their kid Cartman?" Caroline asked.

"That's just his last name. Only Butters and all the adults call him by his first name, Eric."

"So your family's Jewish?" Caroline asked.

"Yeah, but my fat ass friend Cartman hates Jews."

"So how is he your friend?"

"You know…he just…is…kind of."

A few minutes later the group finally arrived at Dylan's house. They all got out of the car and walked through the front door.

"MOM! MOM!"

The yelling caused Sonja to appear.

"You don't need to yell-oh why you must be the Broflovski's!"

"We sure are! I'm Gerald, that's my wife Sheila, my son Kyle, and our adopted Canadian son Ike."

"Well we're glad you're here! I'm sorry things didn't work out at the hotel. I'm sure Scott must be very upset about this."

"But it all worked out!" Sheila remarked.

"That which it did! Dylan, take Gerald and Sheila to your room. I'll show Kyle and Ike upstairs. We have one bed up there but I'm sure I can fix something up for Ike!"

"Wait then where do I sleep?" Dylan inquired.

"Well I guess you get the couch or something."

"Well OK then."

Dylan took Gerald and Sheila to his room.

"I just have one little request."

"OK, what?"

"Please don't rearrange anything in here. If you want to take something out and look at it, please just put it back to where it was when you're done. And don't be afraid to use the computer in the office if you need to-."

His phone started to ring.

"Sorry, I have to take this. Uh, settle down and enjoy everything!"

He ran out of the room and answered his phone once he was out of earshot of everyone.

"What?"

"Dylan? It's Sara."

"What's the matter? Is anything wrong?"

"I was just doing a routine security check and I found something."

"What is it?"

"I'm sure on of the kids may have mentioned, but the enemy had that thing on the news of-."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah I know."

"Well anyway using some data bits from that report, I found out that the Sapphire golf course is being altered."

"Altered? Why the hell would they do that? They just finished renovating it for the tournament two months ago!"

"I don't get it either but it sounds important."

"Well thanks for telling me."

"What are you up to?"

"Just introducing the Broflovski's to my house. Their AGA made reservation was deleted by you-know-who and they had nowhere to stay."

"OK but-WHAT! WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?"

"Calm down Sara, you know I had to! It was part of the emergency plan!"

"Do you have any idea what could happen because of this!? Think about your past-."

"I know Sara, I know! But it's a risk that I just HAD to take! How's the rest of the emergency plan going?"

"Smoothly."

"Great! OK thank you, over and out." Dylan said as he hung up.

Later that night at dinner, the Scralp's and the Broflovski's got to know each other more.

"I'm extremely sorry any of this ever happened Sheila and Gerald." Scott apologized.

"It's OK now that it all worked out. We're just glad Kyle ran into your son there." Gerald replied.

"And it's certainly a nice town you all live in!" Sheila remarked. Does it ever snow here?"

"Only in January." Dylan answered. "But that huge polar vortex that swept through the entire country last winter certainly gave us a lot more snow then we usually get!"

"Is it your summer break now?" Kyle asked.

"Yeah it is. Today was our last day and I was just hanging around with my friends when that bus with you all came in to the football field parking lot."

"We literally have snow on the ground all the time where we live." Gerald added.

"Well as long as I've worked here, I've never been fond of snow all that much." Scott said.

"How come?" Kyle asked.

"He only hates snow because snow is bad for business. It closes down all the golf courses." Dylan replied. "We got so much snow this year; it gave us a 6 day weekend! The last day of which was the Super bowl, and I'm guessing your town wasn't too happy with that game."

"The Broncos losing by 35 points is STILL total bullshit to this day!" Kyle exclaimed.

"My beef was that the commercials sucked ass." Dylan added.

"That makes two of us!" Gerald replied.

"I bet if Stan's dad was at the stadium that night, he would've gotten drunk and started a fight with a Seahawks fan." Kyle remarked.

"Does he get into a lot of fights?" Sonja asked.

"Ugh, don't even get me started! I can't imagine how embarrassed Stan felt every time he got in a fight when we were in the Little League 9 years ago."

"All us men were always supportive of him during those fights…that is until Kyle and the others were disqualified because of it." Gerald added.

"Disqualified?"

"The boys were about to be the State champions and move on to the national circuit." Sheila continued. "But Randy's fighting got us all kicked out. The boys were so close too!"

Kyle mouthed the words "I HATE baseball" to Dylan and Caroline, but neither of them understood what he was trying to say.

"Bad Randy!" Ike exclaimed.

"So what do you think your friends at the hotel are up to?" Dylan said to Kyle.

"Good question. Do they get any free meals?" Kyle asked Scott.

"At the hotel, yes. As well as any of the 'special access pass required' tents at the tournaments. But they'll need to pay for any concession snacks."

"Speaking of which, we're bound to see lots of people we know working this thing." Dylan reminded.

"Really?"

"Yeah dude. You have no idea how many people here are volunteering. A couple of my friends are in on it too." he stated. "Although I told them that that was not the best idea for espionage." he whispered.

"What?"

"Erm...nothing *cough*. Who was that blonde chick Stan was holding hands with in the lobby."

"Bebe Stevens, his girlfriend."

"He seemed pretty pissed at the other girl there."

"Yeah that's Wendy Testaburger, his ex-girlfriend." Bebe's actually her best friend and I don't know if she's too thrilled about the two of them being together. Stan and Wendy broke up about a month ago after a huge ass argument. Stan knows he started it, but he's always denying it. Although their first breakup back in 2003 was Wendy's fault."

"First time?"

"She had kind of lost interest in him and dumped him. 4 years later they got back together, but now they're apart again."

"When did they start the first time?"

"1997."

"That long ago? So they've been together a total of 13 years?"

"Yep. What about you dude?"

Dylan chuckled a little and said: "I'm aromantic and I always have been."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means I experience no romantic attraction to anyone and desire no romantic relationships and trust me kid: I never have and never will."

"So does that mean you've never had a crush on anyone?"

"Correct. I've not kissed a girl either."

"Damn dude!"

"I don't plan on ever getting a girlfriend or getting married."

"Have you even asked anybody out or had anyone ask you out?"

"No and no. Never been on a date."

"I'm sure you'll change your mind someday." Sonja commented.

"Do you ALWAYS have to say that when I bring this up?"

"Maybe she's right dude." Kyle added.

"Yeah, I don't think so. I'm aromantic and that's that. Nobody tells me otherwise."

 **A/N: Did you enjoy this chapter? Please leave a review!**


	4. Chapter 4

RFSP episode #101

Golf Isn't So Bad

Chapter 4-What now?

* * *

At the same time the Scralp's and the Broflovski's were having dinner, Stan, Cartman, Kenny, Token, and Butters were all relaxing in the hot tub of the pool at the Nex hotel. Kenny had his hood off, which is quite a rare sight.

"Ahh…."

"This is the life eh fellas?" Butters asked the others. "We're VIP's and to top it off were all at this big hotel!"

"Too bad Kyle's not here to enjoy it though." Token added. "It's just so strange that his reservation got deleted."

"Yeah well at least it worked out for him." Stan commented.

"Besides I'm sure that that guy he's staying with would drive him over here if he wanted to." Spoke the unhooded Kenny. "Hey Stan isn't the guy he's staying with the pool attendant here?"

"Yeah he did. Maybe we should all come down here in the morning and steal a bunch of towels!"

"Hey I was going to say that!" Cartman exclaimed.

"Or we cannot try to torture the guy who's giving Kyle shelter." Suggested Kenny.

"Don't think of it as torture Kenny." Cartman replied. "Think of it as making sure he's doing his job!" That got everybody laughing.

"Still though, my dad always said I'd get grounded if I ever take more towels then I need to." Butters added.

* * *

Later that night at the Scralp residence, everyone had gone to sleep…well, almost everyone.

Dylan was still awake and looked as anxious as ever. He decided to call Sara.

"Hello?"

"Sara? It's Dylan."

"What's happening?"

"This is killing me."

"Excuse me?"

"The situation we're in. If we fail, then it's all on me, and that fact is making my anxiety run rampant. But anyways, I need you to do something for me."

"OK, what?"

"Tell everyone I'm initiating a 24 hour lay low procedure. I repeat: a 24 hour lay low procedure."

"Are you sure?"

"Right about now, anything helps. I need to go talk to you-know-who."

"OK then, I will."

"Thank you. Good night."

* * *

10 minutes later, Dylan found himself walking through a forest looking for a certain someone.

"Hello? Hello!"

After a few more minutes, he rounded a bend and finally found who he was looking for.

"I'm glad you showed up dude."

("I figured you'd want to see me.")

"Great minds think alike."

("You say and act like nothing bad is going on.")

"You know damn well it's a cover up."

("I know lots of things in this world, we both do. Some of which I wish I never found out. Everyone you know is in danger.")

"What about you huh? Everyone you know is in deep shit too!"

("Of course I know that! And what do you intend to do about it?")

"I've told the others to lay low for the next 24 hours, but it's not like you can tell your friends and family the same."

("Your efforts to prevent us from coming here failed. Have you forgotten what you're up against?")

"I know damn well what I'm up against! Do you think I want to live a life of lies!? Do I look like I want to risk putting everyone I know and love in danger!? I fucking hate every second of it! You on the other hand have a power!"

("DON'T YOU EVER CALL IT A POWER! It's not a power, it is a curse! Do you know what it's like to feel pain? Deep, deep pain? Every time it happens, I FEEL PAIN! And it fucking hurts! I feel pain, land in Hell, and get sucked back up to this Earth, only for my friends to not remember anything! Do you think it's pleasant for my mom? She goes through painful labor every time I am reborn! And you think that's a fucking POWER!?")

"It doesn't matter right now! I just need to keep everyone safe and so do you!"

("How!?")

Dylan calmed down a little bit.

"I don't know. They're looking for me and anyone I associate with as we speak. But I think I might have an idea that could help."

("What?")

"If we could find a way to allow you to revive yourself anywhere you wanted, that would help."

("Then we should do that!")

"On top of keeping ourselves discrete. Any ideas?"

("No. For now though, you and I both just need to not attract any special attention. Oh and by the way, what kind of precautionary measure involves Kyle staying at your house!?")

"I had to alright! I just had to! Besides you were the one to actually delete the reservation!"

("Well you paid me to!")

"I did so because Kyle is one of the ones sought after the most! The enemy doesn't know where I live, so there's no way they'll find him there."

("Don't you realize that that doesn't help? Now that he's evaded their sight, they'll just go after someone else!")

"Well then make sure they don't!"

("Me!? This is YOUR problem!")

"But they're YOUR friends!"

("Touché")

"Look, all I'm asking is that you do the dirty work for a bit. They're after me more than they are you!"

("Fine, I'll cover you. But I do want you to look into that ability to revive myself anywhere I want.")

"Will do. Oh, and Kenny! Next time don't take so many towels when you're at the pool!"

("And tell your dad that I need clean sheets in my room!")

* * *

The next morning, Stan, Cartman, and the others had gone down to the Nex dining room for breakfast along with all their families. Dylan had driven the Broflovski's up there to join them.

"Dude, where's Wendy and Bebe?" Kyle asked Stan.

"They were already here. Something about wanting to get with the other girls at the Spa. Where's that guy that took you in yesterday?"

"He's at work right now."

("So what exactly are we going to do after breakfast?") Kenny inquired.

"Well the tournament doesn't start until tomorrow, so I was thinking we'd look around the town."

This got Sheila's attention. "Kyle if you're going into town, take Ike with you."

"Aw but mom-."

"Do it Kyle!"

"OK, OK."

"We'll need to locate the other first won't we?" Butters asked.

"From what I know, Tweek and Jimmy are at that Hampton Inn. Clyde and Kevin are at this small hotel across the street called the Dogwood Inn."

Token told everyone what he knew as well. "I've gathered that Craig, Bradley, and Scott Malkinson are staying at the Birch Inn. And I think Timmy's at that Comfort Inn we saw yesterday."

"OK so we need to tell them all to meet us out by the lobby in a few minutes. Anyone have a map or something?"

"I got one." Cartman said.

"Then we're all set now."

Kyle looked over at Cartman's plate and noticed that it was piled with bacon.

"Jesus Christ Cartman! Do you really NEED all that bacon?"

"You're just jealous because Jews can't eat bacon."

"Anybody else had their pancakes?" Butters asked the others. "They're amazing!"

Once they all finished breakfast, the group, now joined by Ike, made their way to the lobby where Craig, Clyde, and the others were waiting on them.

"So where the hell are we going?" Craig asked in his trademark monotone voice.

"We're going to go looking around the town." Token answered him.

"Anybody know how to get there from here?"

"The Dogwood is over there." Clyde answered. "It's about a 2-3 minute walk from here."

"Alright then, lead the way."

As the group made their way out, Craig flipped off a doorman.

* * *

As the boys made their way into the town of Nexton, Wendy, Bebe, Heidi, Red, Nichole, and Annie went into the spa of the Nex.

"Can I help you?" the woman behind the service desk asked.

"Uh yeah, we're from the winning town. We all wanted to redeem a free Spa treatment." Wendy replied as she handed the woman 6 coupons of some sort.

"Alright then, right through that door."

"Thank you!"

Little did the girls know that they were being spied on. As they made their way to the door the woman told them to go through, a security camera happened to zoom in on them.

The feed from that camera was being viewed by Davenport and two of his employees. "You see that!" Davenport exclaimed. "That one! That one right there!" he said as he zoomed the camera in on Bebe.

"But why her boss?"

"Because you nincompoop! She is the bait! She is the soil in which we plant our master plan! We take her and slowly draw out those kids and that asshole teenager out with them!"

"But then what?"

"What else you idiot? Once we have them all, WE DESTROY THEM! Once they're gone, we can finally take down that stupid little gang of his once and for all!"

"But uh, boss. What about his original little gang?"

"Oh ho ho ho! That's when the fun really starts! Once the others are wiped out, I'll finally have the pleasure of wiping them out myself!" Davenport formed an evil grin on his face and snickered evilly.

* * *

Meanwhile back at the Nex Spa, the 6 girls sat on beach chairs with shades on, as they were in a tanning room.

"Who would've thought a spa would have a tanning room?" Red asked.

"Nice touch though isn't it?" Bebe said.

"So whatever happened to Kyle yesterday?" Wendy asked Bebe.

"Something had gone wrong with his AGA-made reservation and they didn't have a room for them. Then Kyle happened to run into the resort manager's son and they're staying with him now."

"I'm guessing Stan told you this, huh?"

"Well…yes. Are you going to be enemies with him forever Wendy? I think it's starting to get on some of our nerves."

"Yeah, I know. I am trying though."

"You don't think you'll get back together this time?" Heidi asked.

"No, and I'm perfectly fine without him being in my life. I was really getting tired of having to wash my clothes whenever he puked on me. Not a problem anymore."

"Hasn't happened to me yet." Bebe recalled.

"Just give it some time. It'll happen eventually. Honestly, I'd rather go out with Cartman then Stan."

This caused the others to gasp in total shock, as well as Annie to spit out a smoothies she was drinking.

"Did YOU of all people really just say that?" Annie exclaimed.

"Yep."

Everyone else just had their mouths hanging wide open in total disbelief.

* * *

Back in the EOH auditorium, Dylan had called all of the 11th graders for an emergency meeting.

"Hey, hey, hey! Settle down everyone!" Dylan said to his bickering classmates and teammates.

"Just how the fuck was a 24 hour lay low procedure going to help anybody!?"

"It's the day before the tournament Carmen! I figured they wouldn't look for us as much starting tomorrow because they'd be too busy with the tournaments!"

"Yeah well thanks for making Anna and I miss our shifts!"

"Hey that's on you two! I told you working for the enemy isn't a great method of espionage at a time like this!"

"At this point, it seems like you forgot just how dangerous the enemy is!" Edith retorted.

"Oh please, I'm overly aware of how bad he is. Shelton J. Davenport Jr. along with the entire American Golf Association, are more dangerous now than they were before. They'll stop at nothing to make sure I'm no longer a thorn in their side."

"Well what exactly is your plan now?" Chris asked. "Just keep hiding and pray those kids find out nothing?"

Dylan sighed. "No…a little more undercover espionage is necessary, but not too much of it. Some of us need to go out on the offense, myself including. And if worse comes to worse…I call in my old team."

That statement immediately caused everyone to gasp in shock and disbelief.

"ARE YOU INSANE!?" Chris retorted. "That would be WAY too risky!"

"I realize that! Hopefully I won't need to resort to that. I just need to keep interacting with those kids and make sure they don't find out anything. Davenport is likely to use one of them as bait to draw us out. And after what I've learned, I think I have a pretty good idea who they'd use." Dylan held up a picture of Stan and Bebe.

"Of course! Stan would be the perfect target!" Bailey explained.

"No not him! HER!" Dylan said as he pointed to Bebe.

A bunch of "oooohhhs" were heard.

"We need to keep a close watch on her and prevent any of those assholes from taking her!"

"But that'd just be exposing us even sooner!" Sara added.

"Then I guess we have to just rely on our luck."

"And do you honestly think having Kyle stay at your house is strengthening our luck!?" Leah asked.

"Well that WAS part of my plan, and so far I think it's going well. This reminds me: Start working on that potion for Kenny. If anything can help us that will. Now everyone, get to your posts!"

* * *

Moments later in the underground lair, Dylan was checking everyone's progress when Sara Chris approached him.

"Dylan?" Sara asked.

"What?"

"Well we're…really concerned about you. You seem to be putting yourself into more danger every day."

"I appreciate the concern you two, but I'm not sure if I need it."

"We're just not…sure about how confident you seem right now. These new plans sound like that they'd hurt more than help in the long run." Chris said.

Dylan sighed. "I know, I know. I think that's just my way of saying…I'm not really sure how to protect you guys anymore."

"Protect? But we can all defend ourselves!" Sara said reassuringly.

"Yes, but I'm the leader. If I mess up, it affects all of us. If it's just one of you, I still feel the guilt."

"Are you going to be OK though?" Chris asked with concern.

Dylan sighed again. "I don't know. I honestly don't know. I feel like my leadership qualities are slipping."

Sara smiled. "I'm sure you'll be able to regain your confidence and think of something." she said as she hugged Dylan.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Stan and the others had finished touring Nexton and took a resort shuttle over to downtown Eastern Oak. At one point, Cartman was lagging behind.

"Hurry up fat ass!" Stan yelled.

"I'm not fat, I'm big boned you son of a bitch!"

Little did they know Davenport was spying on them through a nearby security camera he had control of from his lair.

"Yes…yes…keep walking now boys!" Davenport said evilly as he zoomed in on Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and Butters. "It won't do any good! Soon none of you will be an obstacle in my plans! And once I get rid of you, no one will be able to stop me! Oh hoh, hoh, hoh! And as for you…." Davenport grinned evilly as he zoomed in even more on Cartman. "It'll be a pleasure to finally get to know you better…." Davenport stated as he began laughing evilly.

To be continued…

 **A/N: Could Stan possibly want Wendy back? What is the AGA planning? What secrets is Dylan hiding? What's making Liane anxious about this whole thing? You shall find out soon!**

 **And that's the end of episode 1 of Rad Fanon South Park! Yay! I hope you enjoyed it! Please leave a review if you have any improvements or comments!**


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